Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The official first post

I have not written anything with literary merit for more than four months.

While I am aware that said statement is grossly vulnerable to questioning (like what makes me think that I've ever written anything that has literary merit), i choose to open this blog with it because it sounds like a disclaimer. It suggests that the reader should not expect much from the entry. It says that I haven't flexed my writing muscles for a while now and therefore, expect crap.

* * *

If you think about it, life is full of disclaimers. "Slippery when wet," "Contents may not be suitable for children," "Enter at your own risk," "Whatever makes you happy." Even "Maybe" could be considered an effing disclaimer. Disclaimers foreshadow drama. At the same time, it washes the guilt off the thing that would cause the pain.

Case in point:

"I am this way to all my friends." Fucker. Now that's the bitchiest disclaimer of all the bitchiz.

* * *

When someone tells you "I am this way to all my friends," and you process it, to whom would you give more credit to, to yourself or to him? I mean provided that you supposedly care for said person possibly more than you care for yourself. I believe that the said statement could only mean one of two things:

1. "You delusional freak."

2. "I'm a whore."

And so you should drop out from the masters program so you could devote all the time trying to solve this mystery.

* * *

The second thing that you should probably know about me is that I am a copywriter. I am holding the first thing that you should know about me hostage until it's totally unnecessary for you to find out about it.

Anyway, I get paid to lie and to mislead people. I know, I know. I'm so lucky, having found the career that requires me to do something I love doing. You see, when I'm bored, I lie even to myself. And lying to a mass market to influence spending habits is definitely a step up.

* * *

When I found out how many namesakes I have in this city alone, I immediately claimed this blogsite address. I've had it for quite some time now. I could whip up a million and two reasons why I have not written anything here, but I am afraid I wouldn't know which of them would be the truth. Perhaps they all would be true. Perhaps none of them would be. Perhaps I'm thinking about it think too much.

Yeah, I think too much.

What I don't have to analyze, however, is the fact that I haven't written anything here 'til now. And maybe that's the only thing I can afford to tell anyone. Having this url means I cannot make any disclaimers for every disclaimer I will be posting here as they shall all be attached to my name.

That is, if I really am carl clemente.


Marguerite said...


now pay up, carl. :p

waps said...


Bryan Anthony the First said...

querida, i'm glad you're back.

let me tell you, we dont mind you being a fucker coz who isnt?

so blog on!!